The above is a bumpersticker that will be going on all our family's cars. If you'd like one just email me. They are $5.00 each with $3.00 going as a donation to the National Meningitis Association.
Let
me introduce you to my granddaughter....this is Kayla. Kayla died
an unnecessary death! There IS a vaccine out that, had it been a
mandatory vaccination (as are measles, mumps, chickenpox ) for children
entering school...she would NOT have died!
Who do I blame? The CDC, the AMA, the schools or the government? Since I can't narrow it down I believe that ALL of them are to blame! If I sound angry...you bet I am! Not only have I lost one of the most precious people in my life but I know that others will have to go through this same ordeal until something is done about it!
This isn't easy for me to do but let me tell you about Kayla's last few days with us. She'd had "flu like" symptoms and we treated it as such.
On Monday (5/2/05) she went to school.
On Tuesday (5/3/05) she stayed home not feeling really upto going to school. (this in itself was not like her) I work nights and had brought home more cough syrup, throat lozenges and aspirin. I woke her up (she was on the couch and not in my bed as she normally did on my work nights) gave her a dose of cough syrup and a lozenge. I told her I loved her and she said "I love you, too, grams". And I went to bed. (this was about 7 a.m.) At about 11:15 a.m. Jen, Kayla's best friend, came over during a school lunch break to see how Kayla was doing. Jen pointed out to Kayla's mom, Jami, that Kayla had a small bruise on the inside of her elbow. Knowing that Kayla had been ill Jami attributed it to maybe happening while Kayla was being ill in the bathroom. So Jami went into town (Chehalis, Wa.) to get Kayla some Sprite and some more aspirin (she didn't know I'd already gotten some) Jami wasn't gone more than 20 MINUTES! When she returned Kayla was in her bed. Kayla sat up to receive the aspirin and the Sprite. Her head was hanging down. When she lifted her head Jami saw a horrible red rash all over Kayla's face. Looking at the rest of Kayla she saw that rash was ALL over her body. Thinking it maybe was a reaction to the cough syrup she came down and tried to wake me up to see what I'd given Kayla. (I must interject here that since I work nights I take an over-the-counter sleeping aide.) I told her what I'd given Kayla. She then asked to borrow my car to take Kayla to the clinic (it's easier to get in and out of than her smaller car). I don't know exactly how long she was gone but she told me later she'd been at the clinic for a couple of hours due to getting blood work done to TRY to figure out what Kayla had. I don't remember the diagnosis but Jami was also told that Kayla's kidneys seemed to be failing and that she should take Kayla to one of the local hospitals. Jami returned home and asked me if I wanted to go with them. I said no as the sleeping aides make me very groggy. I didn't hear her when she told me about the rash or I most certainly would have gone! Jami then took Kayla to a MAJOR hospital. Kayla WALKED in under her own power. As Kayla was being put into ER, tubes being injected, she became incoherant and started thrashing on the gurney. Shortly thereafter they put her into the CCC (Critical Care Center). Jami was told to call the family together as they didn't expect Kayla to make it until midnight. (shortly after Kayla was put into the ER the red rash was accompnied by black blotches) Our family gathered....those of us that live in the state. We prayed, we cried, we were stunned by disbelief. The minister was called. Kayla's blood pressure was next to nothing and her kidneys were failing badly. They took brain scans....the brain had swollen but no blood was evident. She had to have help breathing. Then her blood pressure became a little better and it seemed as if her kidneys were trying to function. We breathed a short sigh of "hopeful" relief....maybe she would make it. Jami stayed with Kayla and the rest of us went home.
On Wednesday (5/4/05) we were all called to Kayla's bedside again....she wasn't going to make it. She was brain dead and probably had been for several hours. But we still kept hoping that some miracle would happen and she'd be alright. But she wasn't! Options were discussed, more tests were done (which I won't go into) and decisions were made by Jami.
On Thursday (5/5/05) Kayla left us at 3:45 a.m.
Today is 5/20/05 and it's 5:14 a.m. I do not sleep well, I cry a lot, I'm angry! I miss my granddaughter so much! She slept in my bed, not because she didn't have one, but I'd told her she could and that it would be like getting a big hug from me. My bed is empty when I come home now. I cry. I want her home and well. I want to see her coming towards me, holding her arms out for big hug. I want to see her go to college, get married, have a life! But now, thanks to lack of knowledge...that will never happen. It's not right to out live your grandchildren! Such a needless waste! She wanted to be a child guidance councellor...she loved children. Now those children will not benefit from her care. She had long, beautiful and thick hair. It was donated to "Locks of Love" so that some child may benefit from it. (she would have loved that). Her mother and I kept just a small lock each.
Her last words to her mom...."I'm sorry mommy" she thought she was putting her mom to too much trouble. Jami told her "that's alright, baby, we're here to get you well". Would you like to live with that? Jami doesn't. And one of the worst things about this...there was NOTHING we could have done different to stop the disease. We treated it as we saw it....the flu.
Anyway, I must ask you to please PLEASE go to The National Meningitis Association's website and get familiar with this fast acting killing disease. Then, do as I have done (and will continue to do) write your senators, legislators, governors and the president and INSIST that this become a mandatory vaccine for ALL children entering school. Keep up the campaign until this is an enacted law. I don't want anyone to EVER have to go through this with their children. It's not something to fool around with...it's deadly!
If Kayla's needless death helps to save just ONE child....it wasn't in vain. Please help!
Thank you....a grieving grandmother....Sharon (home) (email me)
View My Guestbook
Sign My Guestbook
PLEASE do not sign this just for your own advertising purposes! I'm tired of deleting those of you that are so inconsiderate of the nature of this page and are just trying to get free advertising for your casinos and "male enhancement" products. If you continue to do so I will get ahold of your companies and tell them of your inconsiderations. Think how you'd feel if you'd lost someone you love dearly and this was being done to you.
Don't waste your time signing for advertising....I now edit all entries before letting them show and your's most definitely will NOT show.
To see more about Kayla please go to In Loving Memories (Scroll to the bottom and click on her picture)
Who do I blame? The CDC, the AMA, the schools or the government? Since I can't narrow it down I believe that ALL of them are to blame! If I sound angry...you bet I am! Not only have I lost one of the most precious people in my life but I know that others will have to go through this same ordeal until something is done about it!
This isn't easy for me to do but let me tell you about Kayla's last few days with us. She'd had "flu like" symptoms and we treated it as such.
On Monday (5/2/05) she went to school.
On Tuesday (5/3/05) she stayed home not feeling really upto going to school. (this in itself was not like her) I work nights and had brought home more cough syrup, throat lozenges and aspirin. I woke her up (she was on the couch and not in my bed as she normally did on my work nights) gave her a dose of cough syrup and a lozenge. I told her I loved her and she said "I love you, too, grams". And I went to bed. (this was about 7 a.m.) At about 11:15 a.m. Jen, Kayla's best friend, came over during a school lunch break to see how Kayla was doing. Jen pointed out to Kayla's mom, Jami, that Kayla had a small bruise on the inside of her elbow. Knowing that Kayla had been ill Jami attributed it to maybe happening while Kayla was being ill in the bathroom. So Jami went into town (Chehalis, Wa.) to get Kayla some Sprite and some more aspirin (she didn't know I'd already gotten some) Jami wasn't gone more than 20 MINUTES! When she returned Kayla was in her bed. Kayla sat up to receive the aspirin and the Sprite. Her head was hanging down. When she lifted her head Jami saw a horrible red rash all over Kayla's face. Looking at the rest of Kayla she saw that rash was ALL over her body. Thinking it maybe was a reaction to the cough syrup she came down and tried to wake me up to see what I'd given Kayla. (I must interject here that since I work nights I take an over-the-counter sleeping aide.) I told her what I'd given Kayla. She then asked to borrow my car to take Kayla to the clinic (it's easier to get in and out of than her smaller car). I don't know exactly how long she was gone but she told me later she'd been at the clinic for a couple of hours due to getting blood work done to TRY to figure out what Kayla had. I don't remember the diagnosis but Jami was also told that Kayla's kidneys seemed to be failing and that she should take Kayla to one of the local hospitals. Jami returned home and asked me if I wanted to go with them. I said no as the sleeping aides make me very groggy. I didn't hear her when she told me about the rash or I most certainly would have gone! Jami then took Kayla to a MAJOR hospital. Kayla WALKED in under her own power. As Kayla was being put into ER, tubes being injected, she became incoherant and started thrashing on the gurney. Shortly thereafter they put her into the CCC (Critical Care Center). Jami was told to call the family together as they didn't expect Kayla to make it until midnight. (shortly after Kayla was put into the ER the red rash was accompnied by black blotches) Our family gathered....those of us that live in the state. We prayed, we cried, we were stunned by disbelief. The minister was called. Kayla's blood pressure was next to nothing and her kidneys were failing badly. They took brain scans....the brain had swollen but no blood was evident. She had to have help breathing. Then her blood pressure became a little better and it seemed as if her kidneys were trying to function. We breathed a short sigh of "hopeful" relief....maybe she would make it. Jami stayed with Kayla and the rest of us went home.
On Wednesday (5/4/05) we were all called to Kayla's bedside again....she wasn't going to make it. She was brain dead and probably had been for several hours. But we still kept hoping that some miracle would happen and she'd be alright. But she wasn't! Options were discussed, more tests were done (which I won't go into) and decisions were made by Jami.
On Thursday (5/5/05) Kayla left us at 3:45 a.m.
Today is 5/20/05 and it's 5:14 a.m. I do not sleep well, I cry a lot, I'm angry! I miss my granddaughter so much! She slept in my bed, not because she didn't have one, but I'd told her she could and that it would be like getting a big hug from me. My bed is empty when I come home now. I cry. I want her home and well. I want to see her coming towards me, holding her arms out for big hug. I want to see her go to college, get married, have a life! But now, thanks to lack of knowledge...that will never happen. It's not right to out live your grandchildren! Such a needless waste! She wanted to be a child guidance councellor...she loved children. Now those children will not benefit from her care. She had long, beautiful and thick hair. It was donated to "Locks of Love" so that some child may benefit from it. (she would have loved that). Her mother and I kept just a small lock each.
Her last words to her mom...."I'm sorry mommy" she thought she was putting her mom to too much trouble. Jami told her "that's alright, baby, we're here to get you well". Would you like to live with that? Jami doesn't. And one of the worst things about this...there was NOTHING we could have done different to stop the disease. We treated it as we saw it....the flu.
Anyway, I must ask you to please PLEASE go to The National Meningitis Association's website and get familiar with this fast acting killing disease. Then, do as I have done (and will continue to do) write your senators, legislators, governors and the president and INSIST that this become a mandatory vaccine for ALL children entering school. Keep up the campaign until this is an enacted law. I don't want anyone to EVER have to go through this with their children. It's not something to fool around with...it's deadly!
If Kayla's needless death helps to save just ONE child....it wasn't in vain. Please help!
Thank you....a grieving grandmother....Sharon (home) (email me)
View My Guestbook
Sign My Guestbook
PLEASE do not sign this just for your own advertising purposes! I'm tired of deleting those of you that are so inconsiderate of the nature of this page and are just trying to get free advertising for your casinos and "male enhancement" products. If you continue to do so I will get ahold of your companies and tell them of your inconsiderations. Think how you'd feel if you'd lost someone you love dearly and this was being done to you.
Don't waste your time signing for advertising....I now edit all entries before letting them show and your's most definitely will NOT show.
To see more about Kayla please go to In Loving Memories (Scroll to the bottom and click on her picture)
And I Still Cry
June 15, 2005At the awards ceremony everyone stood
and cheered when Kayla's name was announced as the award winning senior
in Foreign Language. Everyone but me. I stood and I cried as I watched
MY
daughter go to collect HER daughter's award, posthumously.
Kayla would have been so proud and surprized at winning this award! She had no idea or inkling that it would be hers. Nor did any of us have any idea she wouldn't be there to accept it.
That was June 8th and Kayla had died of bacterial meningitis on May 5th.
Her award sits on the buffet next to her picture and the last piece of pottery she made.
And I still cry.
The principal called out "Kayla Louise Whitsett" then gently handed Kayla's high school diploma to Jennifer Foster, Kayla's best friend. Jennifer brought it to Kayla's mom (my daughter). It was passed among our family, whose seating had been reserved, and caressed with tenderness and love. My tears fell on the outside cover as I stared at her name "Kayla". My sweet, sweet loving granddaughter...Kayla.
You worked so hard for this day! We are so proud of you but you're not here to see our pride.
The diploma now sits on the buffet next to her picture, her award and the last piece of pottery she made.
And I still cry.
My mind goes back to when Kayla and I went online to design her class ring for 2005. After discussing the pros and cons of the different features offered, Kayla had her design ready for ordering. I then placed the order.
She gave me a big hug and said "Thanks, grams, I love you". I told her to go thank her mom, also, as she was paying for half of it. I also told her the ring should arrive near the end of May.
Now it's here...and she isn't.
The sunlight glances off the red stone in the class of 2005 ring on Kayla's mother's finger.
The box sits on the buffet next to her picture, her award, her diploma and the last piece of pottery she made.
And I still cry.
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Kayla would have been so proud and surprized at winning this award! She had no idea or inkling that it would be hers. Nor did any of us have any idea she wouldn't be there to accept it.
That was June 8th and Kayla had died of bacterial meningitis on May 5th.
Her award sits on the buffet next to her picture and the last piece of pottery she made.
And I still cry.
The principal called out "Kayla Louise Whitsett" then gently handed Kayla's high school diploma to Jennifer Foster, Kayla's best friend. Jennifer brought it to Kayla's mom (my daughter). It was passed among our family, whose seating had been reserved, and caressed with tenderness and love. My tears fell on the outside cover as I stared at her name "Kayla". My sweet, sweet loving granddaughter...Kayla.
You worked so hard for this day! We are so proud of you but you're not here to see our pride.
The diploma now sits on the buffet next to her picture, her award and the last piece of pottery she made.
And I still cry.
My mind goes back to when Kayla and I went online to design her class ring for 2005. After discussing the pros and cons of the different features offered, Kayla had her design ready for ordering. I then placed the order.
She gave me a big hug and said "Thanks, grams, I love you". I told her to go thank her mom, also, as she was paying for half of it. I also told her the ring should arrive near the end of May.
Now it's here...and she isn't.
The sunlight glances off the red stone in the class of 2005 ring on Kayla's mother's finger.
The box sits on the buffet next to her picture, her award, her diploma and the last piece of pottery she made.
And I still cry.
Today
is July 18, 2005 and it's 8:23
P.M. I still do not sleep well. I still grieve deeply
for my
granddaughter. I have one of her graduation tassles sitting next to one
of her pictures on my desk. The other tassle is hanging from the
mirror in her 1966 Mustang. (She never did get her driver's
license...she said she wasn't ready for it yet) Next to the tassle sits
a ring she bought at Hot Topics. I always liked that ring and
Jami let
me have it. It's not something pretty or expensive...it's a plain
silver band. But what's inscribed on it is special to me as it
was to
her. It's a saying from the movie "The Crow"....."Real Love Is
Forever". I've been wearing the ring but I'm afraid of losing it
so
now it sits where I can see it.
Her 18th birthday is next week (July 26th) and I bought fire works especially for that night. Not loud and annoying ones...just pretty ones that go up into the sky and explode into lots of colors. She was suppose to be here...she's not. I also bought her a 2006 Mustang Calendar, some buttons I know she'd have liked and a couple of Ruby rings. (I had planned on the rings some time ago...and still feel like I should get them) I'll be wearing the rings in her honor. SHE should be wearing the rings! (yes, I'm still bitter over her needless death) An 18th birthday is a special occassion! But not this one.
I still look at things when I work and automatically think "I wonder if Kayla'd like this?"...Then I remember and the tears fill my eyes. My co-workers understand. I try to talk about her and sometimes I can make it through a conversation....most of the time, though, I have to turn my head and hide the tears. They understand.
I can still feel the hugs she gave me. I can still feel her presence everywhere I go. I still wait for her to come home. But she won't. I still look for her to be in my bed when I get home. But she isn't.
The pain is deep....it anchors in my heart.
And I still cry.
July 29, 2005 5:51 AM Kayla's birthday was 3 days ago. I'm at a loss for words to tell you how I felt. I was at work and as soon as it turned midnight my stomach became upset. My mood went into extra low. I talked to nobody. The deep felt pain from inside crept to the surface and became known to my friends in the form of tears. They knew...they understood....they gave me hugs....they let me be.
There's some good news though! All my writing to government officials paid off. As of July 24, 2005 the state of Washington enacted a new law requiring meningitis education for parents of students in the sixth grade and above at the beginning of every school year. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAYLA! It's just a start as we want the vaccination to be manadatory in order for children ages 11 and up to enter school. I also wrote to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) and you can read their reply by clicking here.
If Kayla's one goal in life was to save families from suffering.....she's succeeding. I have to believe in this. I have to think something good will come out of her death. I HAVE to believe that her death was NOT in vain! I have to believe!
YOU can help obtain Kayla's goal! Find out what the law is in your state and if it's not adequate write, write, write to your government representatives and MAKE them change the law. Save your children. Save yourself and someone else from grief. Bacterial Meningitis IS preventable!
It's a start.
But I still cry!
August 31, 2005 5:53 am PST I turned 60 last saturday. Jami and I went to my mother's to celebrate. I saw some of my other relatives and heard from yet others. 60! It's a big deal? 18! That's a bigger deal! I made it to 60 and she didn't make it to 18. That's not right!
What I heard from my oldest daughter, De Anna, was the best birthday present I could have had! Just before she came out for Kayla's funeral she had gone to the library. She talked to the librarian and told her what had happened to Kayla. When De Anna returned she went back to the library. The librarian asked how things went and De Anna told her all about bacterial meningitis. Not long after their conversation the librarian heard from HER daughter that she wasn't feeling well. (she had just entered college). The librarian told her to go right away to the doctor and asked to be checked for bacterial meningitis (yes, she had flu like symptoms). Yes, she had bacterial meningitis but thanks to De Anna's knowledge it was caught in time.
Thank you Kayla! It's yet another life you've saved.
And, yes, I still cry! I miss her soooo much!
October 21, 2005 10:10 AM PST I haven't written in a while...not because I have nothing to say but because I have too much to say. A couple of weeks ago I printed out Kayla's picture for her headstone. This, in itself, was bad enough but work that night was worse. Halloween was "set" and I wandered in. The first thing I saw was what Kayla wore last year. The next thing I know I'm looking for something she'd like to wear this year. And again I remembered. She wouldn't be out among the living this year....or any other years coming up. It hurts! The pain settles deep inside. It's hard to breathe. I want to scream, yell, rant and rave. But I don't. I keep it in as always. The tears are the only thing that give me away. I wonder what Christmas will be like?
This isn't meant to be a diary just something to make you think! Think HARD on what it would be like to have the one person in the world you love the most....snatched away...without a goodbye.....FOREVER. Then look around and make sure that person (s) get the vaccination that will save them.
I will write again....but I don't know when. Time doesn't heal .... they lied about that....at least to me. I hold it in, in deep and it hurts so badly! Please don't let your loved one(s) die....think about it! Then get them vaccinated.
I love you Kayla...and miss you terribly.
And I still cry!
Dec. 23, 2005 1:13pm Two days before Christmas. This was the year I was suppose to spoil Kayla and buy her many things for her college dorm room. Instead I bought a small Christmas sock with her name on it and will just put a note in it...."All my love forever...grams". This should be a joyous time...it is...but so full of saddness too. I know my saddness is because I cannot physically see nor hold her. Oh, I still feel her presence and we still talk, but it's not the same. I still watch the door for her and may turn my head sharply at work looking for her...expecting her...but ....... I rejoice that she is with our Lord and gets to celebrate His birthday with him!
There are so many things I'd like to tell you....but the words just can't make it from my heart to here. Take all the pictures you can of your loved ones! Memories are precious and sometimes that's all you have. Love one another like there's no tomorrow....for there may not be. Don't let petty things grow out of proportion. Life is too short and valuable to argue over things that, in reality, won't mean anything five years from now.
Five years from now....I used to go by that rule. But five years from now my sorrow will still be here....and she won't be. Who knows....maybe I won't be either. Life is short and full of surprises...and not all of them are good.
Love your loved ones with all your heart and you'll have no regrets.
Yes, I still cry!
January 1, 2006 4:16am At midnight, last night, I set off some fireworks. I did it for Kayla. I'm sure she was looking down and wanted her to see something pretty.
I have finally come to the conclusion that she was just "on loan" to us and now she's gone home. I wish the loan had been longer....that her stay had been better but I wasn't in control of the loan being called up. I can only hope, that in some way, I helped to make her stay her better. She knew / knows how much I love her! I will always love her!
Make a resolution to love with all your heart! Let your loved ones know how much they mean to you. Never let a chance go by where you can say "I love you". You'll make someone happy!
And get them vaccinated!
Yes, I still cry!
February 26, 2006 12:29am I have moved into my own little apartment....but Kayla is still with me....and always will be. Her pictures are on the top of my desk's hutch and in the front room on the bookcase. She greets me when I come home.
I worked in the infants department the other night. I can't remember what she wore when she was that little and it made me cry. Why can't I remember anything except that little bomber jacket? A bib hanging there, saying "mommy I love you", made me cry also. I do remember we took one of her grandpa's t-shirts and she painted all over it and then used it for a nightgown...this makes me smile. She loved her grandpa very much!
Time doesn't make this wound heal. I don't have a lot to say anymore but I just wanted you to know that if you don't get your loved ones vaccinated that you, too, may feel this pain. And, believe me, you don't want to!
I love you Kayla and miss you soooooooo much!
And I still cry!
Christmas day 2006 5:25 AM.... I know I haven't written for a long time...but nothing really much has changed! I still miss Kayla so very much. I still expect her to pop her head in the door. I still expect to see her at work. I still expect to hear "I love you Grams"....I still expect....
I still cry for her every day. I still sing to her every day. I still tell everyone I can about her and that horrible disease! I still ask friends and family to get vaccinations for themselves and their loved ones!
Thank you Linda (co-worker) now I don't have to worry about your daughter! Thank you Maggie (friend) now I don't have to worry about your son!
Can I thank YOU for protecting yours? Email me....let me know Kayla's death wasn't in vain! So many more have died from bacterial meningitis since Kayla did.... and it's not necessary! I appreciate everyone of you that take the time to read this page and get informed...and hope you do something about it.
Merry Christmas Kayla....give our Lord a big hug from me!
And I still cry!
May 5, 2007 3:39AM...in another 6 minutes Kayla will have been with our Lord for 2 years. TWO YEARS! It seems like only yesterday....the pain is still fresh....and deep. I still look for her to peek around the corner and say "grams wanna play canasta?" But she doesn't. I thank our Lord every night for the loan of her....as short as it was. I pray she won't be forgotten by family or friends. I pray her death won't be in vain. I pray.....
A co-worker told me she was talking to one of her co-workers (different shift than mine) and the other young lady started telling her about this girl she knew that was talented and a good artist. Then she told my friend that this girl had died of bacterial meningitis a couple years ago. She knew my Kayla! I remember Kayla talking about her. Our Lord let me know Kayla's not forgotten by her friends. I know she made a difference in a lot of lives....for the good.
I won't write often....I've said about as much as I can say. Please take care of your loved ones so you don't have to write a page like this....so you won't hurt....so you won't die a little inside everytime you have to think of what you "could" have done.
It's exactly 2 years now....
And I still cry!
I love you so much Kayla!
5/5/08 Three years and nothing's changed....I still miss her terribly. I'm happy to see so many visitors here as that means more and more of you are getting the information needed to save your loved ones. Please pass the word... let's get the knowledge out there to save lives! Thanks for your help.
Her death cannot be in vain!
May 11, 2009 It's now just over 4 years that my precious Kayla left us. I still try to educate everyone I know on this horrible disease which kills in 4-8 HOURS. I see lots more advertising on tv about getting the vaccination manactra (click here to find out more). I know that more states have enacted mandatory vaccinations
(click here to see about your state) but until it's mandatory in every state my work is not done!
I still sing to her every night and ask our Lord to give her a big hug from "grams"....and I know He does.
And I still cry!!
Her 18th birthday is next week (July 26th) and I bought fire works especially for that night. Not loud and annoying ones...just pretty ones that go up into the sky and explode into lots of colors. She was suppose to be here...she's not. I also bought her a 2006 Mustang Calendar, some buttons I know she'd have liked and a couple of Ruby rings. (I had planned on the rings some time ago...and still feel like I should get them) I'll be wearing the rings in her honor. SHE should be wearing the rings! (yes, I'm still bitter over her needless death) An 18th birthday is a special occassion! But not this one.
I still look at things when I work and automatically think "I wonder if Kayla'd like this?"...Then I remember and the tears fill my eyes. My co-workers understand. I try to talk about her and sometimes I can make it through a conversation....most of the time, though, I have to turn my head and hide the tears. They understand.
I can still feel the hugs she gave me. I can still feel her presence everywhere I go. I still wait for her to come home. But she won't. I still look for her to be in my bed when I get home. But she isn't.
The pain is deep....it anchors in my heart.
And I still cry.
July 29, 2005 5:51 AM Kayla's birthday was 3 days ago. I'm at a loss for words to tell you how I felt. I was at work and as soon as it turned midnight my stomach became upset. My mood went into extra low. I talked to nobody. The deep felt pain from inside crept to the surface and became known to my friends in the form of tears. They knew...they understood....they gave me hugs....they let me be.
There's some good news though! All my writing to government officials paid off. As of July 24, 2005 the state of Washington enacted a new law requiring meningitis education for parents of students in the sixth grade and above at the beginning of every school year. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAYLA! It's just a start as we want the vaccination to be manadatory in order for children ages 11 and up to enter school. I also wrote to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) and you can read their reply by clicking here.
If Kayla's one goal in life was to save families from suffering.....she's succeeding. I have to believe in this. I have to think something good will come out of her death. I HAVE to believe that her death was NOT in vain! I have to believe!
YOU can help obtain Kayla's goal! Find out what the law is in your state and if it's not adequate write, write, write to your government representatives and MAKE them change the law. Save your children. Save yourself and someone else from grief. Bacterial Meningitis IS preventable!
It's a start.
But I still cry!
August 31, 2005 5:53 am PST I turned 60 last saturday. Jami and I went to my mother's to celebrate. I saw some of my other relatives and heard from yet others. 60! It's a big deal? 18! That's a bigger deal! I made it to 60 and she didn't make it to 18. That's not right!
What I heard from my oldest daughter, De Anna, was the best birthday present I could have had! Just before she came out for Kayla's funeral she had gone to the library. She talked to the librarian and told her what had happened to Kayla. When De Anna returned she went back to the library. The librarian asked how things went and De Anna told her all about bacterial meningitis. Not long after their conversation the librarian heard from HER daughter that she wasn't feeling well. (she had just entered college). The librarian told her to go right away to the doctor and asked to be checked for bacterial meningitis (yes, she had flu like symptoms). Yes, she had bacterial meningitis but thanks to De Anna's knowledge it was caught in time.
Thank you Kayla! It's yet another life you've saved.
And, yes, I still cry! I miss her soooo much!
October 21, 2005 10:10 AM PST I haven't written in a while...not because I have nothing to say but because I have too much to say. A couple of weeks ago I printed out Kayla's picture for her headstone. This, in itself, was bad enough but work that night was worse. Halloween was "set" and I wandered in. The first thing I saw was what Kayla wore last year. The next thing I know I'm looking for something she'd like to wear this year. And again I remembered. She wouldn't be out among the living this year....or any other years coming up. It hurts! The pain settles deep inside. It's hard to breathe. I want to scream, yell, rant and rave. But I don't. I keep it in as always. The tears are the only thing that give me away. I wonder what Christmas will be like?
This isn't meant to be a diary just something to make you think! Think HARD on what it would be like to have the one person in the world you love the most....snatched away...without a goodbye.....FOREVER. Then look around and make sure that person (s) get the vaccination that will save them.
I will write again....but I don't know when. Time doesn't heal .... they lied about that....at least to me. I hold it in, in deep and it hurts so badly! Please don't let your loved one(s) die....think about it! Then get them vaccinated.
I love you Kayla...and miss you terribly.
And I still cry!
Dec. 23, 2005 1:13pm Two days before Christmas. This was the year I was suppose to spoil Kayla and buy her many things for her college dorm room. Instead I bought a small Christmas sock with her name on it and will just put a note in it...."All my love forever...grams". This should be a joyous time...it is...but so full of saddness too. I know my saddness is because I cannot physically see nor hold her. Oh, I still feel her presence and we still talk, but it's not the same. I still watch the door for her and may turn my head sharply at work looking for her...expecting her...but ....... I rejoice that she is with our Lord and gets to celebrate His birthday with him!
There are so many things I'd like to tell you....but the words just can't make it from my heart to here. Take all the pictures you can of your loved ones! Memories are precious and sometimes that's all you have. Love one another like there's no tomorrow....for there may not be. Don't let petty things grow out of proportion. Life is too short and valuable to argue over things that, in reality, won't mean anything five years from now.
Five years from now....I used to go by that rule. But five years from now my sorrow will still be here....and she won't be. Who knows....maybe I won't be either. Life is short and full of surprises...and not all of them are good.
Love your loved ones with all your heart and you'll have no regrets.
Yes, I still cry!
January 1, 2006 4:16am At midnight, last night, I set off some fireworks. I did it for Kayla. I'm sure she was looking down and wanted her to see something pretty.
I have finally come to the conclusion that she was just "on loan" to us and now she's gone home. I wish the loan had been longer....that her stay had been better but I wasn't in control of the loan being called up. I can only hope, that in some way, I helped to make her stay her better. She knew / knows how much I love her! I will always love her!
Make a resolution to love with all your heart! Let your loved ones know how much they mean to you. Never let a chance go by where you can say "I love you". You'll make someone happy!
And get them vaccinated!
Yes, I still cry!
February 26, 2006 12:29am I have moved into my own little apartment....but Kayla is still with me....and always will be. Her pictures are on the top of my desk's hutch and in the front room on the bookcase. She greets me when I come home.
I worked in the infants department the other night. I can't remember what she wore when she was that little and it made me cry. Why can't I remember anything except that little bomber jacket? A bib hanging there, saying "mommy I love you", made me cry also. I do remember we took one of her grandpa's t-shirts and she painted all over it and then used it for a nightgown...this makes me smile. She loved her grandpa very much!
Time doesn't make this wound heal. I don't have a lot to say anymore but I just wanted you to know that if you don't get your loved ones vaccinated that you, too, may feel this pain. And, believe me, you don't want to!
I love you Kayla and miss you soooooooo much!
And I still cry!
Christmas day 2006 5:25 AM.... I know I haven't written for a long time...but nothing really much has changed! I still miss Kayla so very much. I still expect her to pop her head in the door. I still expect to see her at work. I still expect to hear "I love you Grams"....I still expect....
I still cry for her every day. I still sing to her every day. I still tell everyone I can about her and that horrible disease! I still ask friends and family to get vaccinations for themselves and their loved ones!
Thank you Linda (co-worker) now I don't have to worry about your daughter! Thank you Maggie (friend) now I don't have to worry about your son!
Can I thank YOU for protecting yours? Email me....let me know Kayla's death wasn't in vain! So many more have died from bacterial meningitis since Kayla did.... and it's not necessary! I appreciate everyone of you that take the time to read this page and get informed...and hope you do something about it.
Merry Christmas Kayla....give our Lord a big hug from me!
And I still cry!
May 5, 2007 3:39AM...in another 6 minutes Kayla will have been with our Lord for 2 years. TWO YEARS! It seems like only yesterday....the pain is still fresh....and deep. I still look for her to peek around the corner and say "grams wanna play canasta?" But she doesn't. I thank our Lord every night for the loan of her....as short as it was. I pray she won't be forgotten by family or friends. I pray her death won't be in vain. I pray.....
A co-worker told me she was talking to one of her co-workers (different shift than mine) and the other young lady started telling her about this girl she knew that was talented and a good artist. Then she told my friend that this girl had died of bacterial meningitis a couple years ago. She knew my Kayla! I remember Kayla talking about her. Our Lord let me know Kayla's not forgotten by her friends. I know she made a difference in a lot of lives....for the good.
I won't write often....I've said about as much as I can say. Please take care of your loved ones so you don't have to write a page like this....so you won't hurt....so you won't die a little inside everytime you have to think of what you "could" have done.
It's exactly 2 years now....
And I still cry!
I love you so much Kayla!
5/5/08 Three years and nothing's changed....I still miss her terribly. I'm happy to see so many visitors here as that means more and more of you are getting the information needed to save your loved ones. Please pass the word... let's get the knowledge out there to save lives! Thanks for your help.
Her death cannot be in vain!
May 11, 2009 It's now just over 4 years that my precious Kayla left us. I still try to educate everyone I know on this horrible disease which kills in 4-8 HOURS. I see lots more advertising on tv about getting the vaccination manactra (click here to find out more). I know that more states have enacted mandatory vaccinations
(click here to see about your state) but until it's mandatory in every state my work is not done!
I still sing to her every night and ask our Lord to give her a big hug from "grams"....and I know He does.
And I still cry!!
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